last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
