Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
