I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pants are for mortals
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
