i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
