operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
