i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
