You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
