Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
