How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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