When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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