He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
