You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
