Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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