I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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