I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
