Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
