Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i can't believe i had my finger in that
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
