I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
