Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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