i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
