But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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