I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
