**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
