my soul wont recognize me after tonight
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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