last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
