I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
