i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
