My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
