Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
