Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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