two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
