I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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