Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
