I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
