It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
