if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
