Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
