i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
