He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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