i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
