i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
