I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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