what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That accounts for only three of the penises
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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