it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
