I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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