This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
