party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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