Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
