I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You need a sexual gate keeper
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
