whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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